When Someone is Going Through Something Hard

Written and Contributed by Hannah Fox, LPC at Airmid Wellness Center

One thing I’ve noticed both in life and in session is how often people respond to someone’s pain by saying:

“I could never go through that.”

“I don’t know how you’re surviving this.”

“I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Most people mean this lovingly. They’re trying to acknowledge how painful or overwhelming the situation is.

But sometimes, without realizing it, those responses can make someone feel even more alone.The truth is, most people going through something incredibly difficult did not think they would be able to handle it either. Whether it’s grief, trauma, illness, heartbreak, caregiving, or loss, people usually are not moving through these experiences because they feel strong or prepared. They are moving through them because they have no other choice in the moment.

In session, we talk a lot about how human beings adapt slowly to hard things. The nervous system learns how to survive situations we never imagined we’d face. That doesn’t mean the experience isn’t painful. It just means people are often more resilient than they realize.

Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is not compare ourselves to someone else’s suffering, but simply stay present with them in it.

Instead of: “I could never survive that,”

It may sound more supportive to say:

“That sounds incredibly hard.”

“I’m really sorry you’re carrying this.”

“You don’t have to go through this alone.”

People rarely need perfect words during painful seasons. More often, they just need to feel supported, understood, and not alone while they move through it.

One of the most meaningful things I witness as a therapist is seeing how people continue showing up for life even while carrying things they never expected to endure. Sometimes strength does not look powerful at all. Sometimes it simply looks like getting through one day at a time.